We bought new house phones yesterday.

That would be the 'royal we'.  

Mon mari couldn't be bothered to look at them.  As he refuses to answer it if it rings, he didn't see the point in actually attempting to render an opinion.

Since he knows nothing about phones (not having used one in years) I concurred.

The phone we had was perfectly good….

It's just that it was only one.

When one has two floors in one's house, and only one phone, there is the potential for catastrophe.

It's a commonly known fact that, if the only phone is on one's desk where one normally spends countless hours each and every day, it will stay eerily quiet for weeks on end.

When it does decide to rouse itself and ring, it will only do so when one is upstairs, thus causing one to make a mad dash down the stairs, to reach the phone just as the caller hangs up (or the internet message service kicks in).

After the last such episode, I could clearly envision myself going ass-over-appetite down the stairs to end in a heap at the feet of the puppies….

Who would then jump on my broken body with yips of joy.

You're laughing, aren't you!?!

I decided two phones was the logical solution.

After extensive research (standing and staring at boxes of phones with pictures of the contents) I made my selection….

What it is really isn't important.

What is important is the box hadn't been opened and taped shut so I was reasonably certain all the parts were still in there (like the batteries).

I brought it home, unpacked it, assembled all the bits and plugged the base (with its phone) and the satellite (with its phone) into the outlets to charge.

I made myself a cup of tea and sat down to read the instructions.

Naturally, I had done it all wrong and in the wrong order.

Who knew these things could be so tricky?

There was something about them establishing their rightful place in the hierarchy of the household. (?)

I looked at them and they were both flashing 'for assistance go to website' notices.

And I couldn't even fix stuff because taking the phones of their charging stations before the first charge was complete (or 8 hours, whichever came second) was strictly forbidden.

I did not want the phone police battering my door down (and scaring the puppies).

I decided to leave it all until this morning.

Bright and early (puppies up with the sun) I poured my first coffee and picked up the instructions to figure out how to fix whatever it was that I had inadvertently broken.

Are you ready for this?

The instructions were apparently written by a good geek.

Right after it outlined, in detail, the proper way to set everything up….

Wait for it, it's good…..

There was a note that said, basically, if you ignored all this, go to page 10 and we'll tell you how to fix it.

Whoever wrote that knows that no one reads the instructions until there's a problem.

Made my day.

Went to page 10, got them all sorted and we now have two phones.

Neither of which mon mari will answer. 

I got a great deal on a whole loin of pork at the same store (France invented the hypermarket – long before Walmart or Target even thought of it).  I cut it into three nice roasts.

Here's the first one. Other than soup, braises are one of the few things I like about winter.

Braised Pork in Red Wine and Red Peppers

1 pork loin roast, app. 2lbs (1000gr)
1 large red pepper 
3 medium leeks, about 2 cups, sliced
2 ribs celery
3 cloves garlic 
15oz (450gr) tomatoes 
4 bay leaves 
1 tbs paprika
1 tbs oregano
1 tbs olive oil
2 cups red wine 
1 tbs cornstarch (maizena) dissolved in 2 tbs water 

Clean and trim leeks, discarding the dark green tops. Cut in half the long way and slice. Cut pepper into thick strips. Roughly chop celery. Mince garlic. Roughly chop tomatoes, reserving all juices. 
Heat oil in heavy pot or Dutch oven. Add leeks, peppers, celery, garlic, and sauté until tender, about 10 minutes. Remove to a plate and set aside. Mix paprika, oregano and olive oil. Rub all over pork. Add pork to pot and brown on all sides. Add 1/4 cup of red wine and stir up all the browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Return vegetables to pot, arranging around pork. Add tomatoes, red wine and bay leaves. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat to a slow simmer and braise for 90 minutes. Or longer…. 
To finish: Dissolve cornstarch in water. Remove pork to a platter. With a slotted spoon, remove the larger vegetables and arrange around pork. Tent loosely with foil and let rest. Increase heat under remaining sauce. Add cornstarch, stirring until thick and clear – you may not need it all to get a thickened sauce. Slice some of the pork, spoon some of the sauce on the vegetables and pork and serve.